Right now it's December 7th, 2010. Marlaina's mother, Ellen, passed away just over three months ago, on August 27th. The last few years have been difficult for Ellen. Due to ongoing health issues she has been in assisted living in Issaquah. For those of you who aren't nearby, that is about 15 miles from where we live in Kirkland.
With Marlaina's dad having passed away some years ago, Marlaina's mom and brother Rick have been her entire family for many years. As sometimes happens with siblings, Rick and Marlaina have not really seen eye to eye the entire time I've known them. I guess I would describe their relationship as "strained". Fortunately for Ellen, her kids and all of her grandkids live nearby so she was never short of weekend visitors. We all often went to see her there.
While I'm sure that Ellen had a great relationship with her other grandkids, the one I got to witness and especially appreciated was her love for Liam. She always lit up when he came around. She never failed to ask after him or remember him on special days.
Since Ellen has remained close to the family, her loss is felt deeply. I am writing this now because I feel for Marlaina and her grief. Over the last several months she has had her good days and bad days. It is especially hard for her right now because one thing she shared with her mom is her love of Christmas. Here is an old photo of Marlaina and her brother Rick with Mom at Christmas back when they were both still teens at home.
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| From left: Rick, Ellen and Marlaina |
A couple of days ago Marlaina and Rick were at Ellen's house going through things. One thing Marlaina came home with was lots of Christmas decorations. I have no idea where it will all go because Marlaina has always seen to it that we have lots of Christmas decorations. Something she and her mom always shared and always looked forward to was the Christmas season.
I didn't know Ellen as a young woman and mother. I came to know her as the Mother-in-law and all that came with it. This woman with strong opinions, who could be set in her ways, who could upset Marlaina with just a look or a word. I didn't have a lifetime of appreciation and love that Marlaina had. I found it easy to dismiss what I took as Ellen's eccentricities or indulgences.
This has not been the case for Marlaina. This is the first Christmas season for us without Ellen. I am keenly aware of the impact on Marlaina. Christmas has always been the time of year when she is completely in her zone, on her game and living large. She is the driving force in the family around getting the tree up and getting the house decorated. She is all about all of the special dinners we have with close friends during the holiday season.
This year it's different. Marlaina is not festive. She's not especially interested in all of the activities of Christmas. She will open a bag or look at a decoration and burst into tears. I know that Christmas is a special time for family memories. I haven't really had to think about it being a time when we remember our losses as well. I know sadness will pass in time, but for now we're in that time.
